Loving Two

As it gets closer to my due date, I have mixed emotions from being very excited to being very sad. I'm very excited to meet my new baby girl. I'm excited for her to be a part of our family and meet her sisters, family, and friends. Then I also get a little sad... sad that Sophia will no longer have Mommy to herself. She is totally a Mommy's girl and now she will have to share me. Then I feel guilty to the new baby for even thinking of that. My thoughts flip flop back and forth, I don't know what I'm thinking anymore these days. I can't wait to see the girls with each other. Sophia is great around babies and LOVES them and I know she will be a great big sister to Ella. But, she will now have to share me which I'm sure will be a little tough for her at first. If you know my daughter, you know she is pretty "determined" as I call it.

I ran across this poem that just fits.

LOVING TWO

I walk along holding your 2-year-old hand, basking in the glow of our magical relationship. Suddenly I feel a kick from within, as if to remind me that our time alone is limited. And I wonder: how could I ever love another child as I love you?

Then he is born, and I watch you. I watch the pain you feel at having to share me as you’ve never shared me before.

I hear you telling me in your own way, “Please love only me”. And I hear myself telling you in mine, “I can’t”, knowing, in fact, that I never can again.

You cry. I cry with you. I almost see our new baby as an intruder on the precious relationship we once shared. A relationship we can never quite have again.

But then, barely noticing, I find myself attached to that new being, and feeling almost guilty. I’m afraid to let you see me enjoying her, as though I am betraying you.

But then I notice your resentment change, first to curiosity, then to protectiveness, finally to genuine affection.

More days pass, and we are settling into a new routine. The memory of days with just the two of us is fading fast.

But something else is replacing those wonderful times we shared, just we two. There are new times – only now, we are three. I watch the love between you grow, the way you look at each other, touch each other.

I watch how she adores you – as I have for so long. I see how excited you are by each of her new accomplishments. And I begin to realize that I haven’t taken something from you, I’ve given something to you. I notice that I am no longer afraid to share my love openly with both of you.

I find that my love for each of you is as different as you are, but equally strong. And my question is finally answered, to my amazement. Yes, I can love another child as much as I love you – only differently.

And although I realize that you may have to share my time, I now know you’ll never share my love. There’s enough of that for both of you – you each have your own supply.

I love you – both. And I thank you both for blessing my life.

Author Unknown

I get a little teary-eyed reading it still. It's such an uplifting poem... so why do I still worry? I guess that's just how it is. And I guess I will find out once Ella arrives.